Married Saints and Blesseds

Marriage is as hard as it is beautiful. And for the vast majority of people, marriage is the way they will answer God's call to a life of holiness. It is with great hope and pride that more married men and women will attain sainthood. And I think it is necessary for some of these married saints in heaven to be canonized, joining the ranks of men and women recognized by the Church for their lives of heroic virtue.

Today I came across the biographies of Jerome and Gwen Coniker, Americans who are from my parents' generation. What stands out about this couple is that they consecrated themselves to Jesus through Mary, and I believe their virtues were intensified through Mary's intercession. Take-away: Marian consecration is a huge source of grace for married couples!

Another married couple whose cause for canonization I am following: Drs. John and Evelyn Billings. Physicians from Australia, they are pioneers in one of the most cutting edge scientific advancements in fertility awareness. The Billings Ovulation Method was named after them.

How do married men and women grow in holiness, practically speaking? One of my former professors, William E. May, writes about marriage as a vocation to holiness, and describes the conditions that foster holiness in marriage: the complementarity of husband and wife, the spouses' mutual respect, and the virtue of fidelity to overcome difficulties and the way doing this together helps them grow in holiness.

These reflections are near and dear to me because it seems very difficult to overcome my weaknesses and I feel discouraged at times. It would be hardly worth the effort (many, many confessions later!), however, if I did not believe wholeheartedly that happiness and holiness are attainable. 

Remarkable Catholic Women of the 20th Century

As a suggestion for your summer reading, pick up something written by or about one of the following women: 

1. Gianna Beretta Molla

2. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

3. Faustina Kowalska

4. Flannery O’Connor

5. Alice von Hildebrand

6. Mother Angelica

7. Catherine Doherty

8. Dorothy Day

9. Madeleine Delbrêl

10. Adrienne von Speyr

Reflections on Being a Working Mom

Congrats to all mothers who have made the transition to working full time after being a stay-at-home mom. What are the most shocking, humorous, and embarrassing realizations about being back in the office? I put together a little list of my top five realizations:

1.  Many of my colleagues are millennials; in fact, millennials might outnumber other generations where I work.

2.    Because of # 1 (above), my colleagues went to college when social media and cell phones were common and really “get” technology in a way that I don’t.

3.    I couldn’t name any of the Kardashian family members if my life depended on it, but I can tell you all about what Saint John Paul II says about the Rosary.

4.  Modern cars have Bluetooth. My car has Bluetooth. This one feature had revolutionized my commute.
5.  Happy hours are now very happy hours of time with my family after work each day. (And yes, sometimes we have libations with dinner!)  

Humanae Vitae Symposium Debrief

            The Humanae Vitae Symposium was well-attended by bishops, laity, religious, priests, and seminarians. The speakers included Archbishop Chaput, professors from various fields (theology, philosophy, law, medicine), and professionals from the medical field and social sciences. The format included presentations bunched together into morning and afternoon sessions followed by a discussion with participants at the conclusion of each session.

            On Wednesday, April 4, John Garvey, the president of the Catholic University of America, offered brief remarks to welcome all the participants. He spoke from his personal experience as a husband and father on the importance and goodness of Blessed Pope Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae, and also noted the significance of hosting the symposium at Catholic University, where theologians publically dissented from the teachings of the Church after Humanae Vitae in the late 60’s and 70’s. Archbishop Chaput then gave the keynote presentation, offering four historical points of reflection for the comparison of the corrupt Roman society that did not value the transmission of human life with the corrupt present day society, which is suffering from the neo-pagan prevalence of the contraceptive mentality. The Archbishop pointed out the ways in which Paul VI’s prophetic words in Humanae Vitae have come to pass in our times, and he exhorted all the members of the Church to vigorously support/live and teach the goodness of Christian marriage, the integrity of the marital act.

            Among the insights that were most intriguing are the following: 1) Mary Eberstadt’s study of the current research by social science that support the Church’s teaching in Humanae Vitae, and offering us further reading suggestions of the recent publications by Ashley McGuire, Mark Regenerus, and Ryan Anderson; 2) Michael Hanby’s explanation of our society as a “Biotechnocracy” in which knowing is accomplished solely by doing, thereby reducing reality to its basic components and rebuilding them and exposing the profound moral crisis is rooted in an intellectual crisis devoid of contemplative speculation; 3) Janet Smith’s take on the problem of the new and untrue understanding of the human conscience developed by James Keenan/the Revisionists (Dr. Smith labelled “The Discerners”) who take Amoris Laetitia’s points on the conscience in section 303 and distort them entirely.

             Following up on my last post, it seems that the answer to my question about technology received a thought-provoking anaysis by Michael Hanby. He based his thought on the insight from Pope Benedict XVI, who said that the "biotechnocracy" is absolutist, and places technology at the center and therefore the leviathan of the modern political order. It is a result of modernity, confusing techne and logos. The truth behind this kind of knowledge is tied to society's success with new developments. 

           What does this mean, practically speaking? People will turn to and depend on the newest, most high-tech technological advancement. I think in the end, we will trust the machine/technology, or artificial intelligence we create more then our own selves, sadly. 

            During the discussion session at the Symposium, Michael Hanby stood by his analysis and exhortation to return to the intellectual/contemplative life, while other presenters took the opinion that a return to the intellectual life is not appealing to a majority of Catholics, who seek out the experiential dimension of faith. I do not think the two are mutually exclusive; however, if what Hanby suggests cannot be communicated clearly and persuasively with people who have not been educated in the humanities, then it seems that his insight will remain in the academy. 

Humanae Vitae Symposium

            In a little over two weeks, I will attend the Humanae Vitae Symposium at the Catholic University of America. It has an impressive speaker line-up, including Archbishop Chaput, Mary Eberstadt, Helen Alvaré, Janet Smith, and Richard Fehring. To be honest, even though I have attended lectures or presentations by several of the speakers in the past few decades, new insights from Humanae Vitae captivate me like very few things do. This topic is right up there with the importance of sexual difference and complementarity of man and woman.

            Here is a question I have been pondering: how can Pope Paul VI’s crucial insights be lived in a culture that has become more heavily dependent on technology? When I started teaching NFP, we were still using flip phones. After the smartphone explosion happened, the 'touch'-screen shift has led to a technological dependency like never before. Even from a teacher's perspective, I checked students' charts on my app, and used it for my own charting needs. We haven’t had time to digest this shift, and do not know its repercussions. What are the implications of this subtle turn to dependency on technology, even for something as benign as charting one’s fertility signs?

Family, Become What You Are

“Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored, and that specifies both its dignity and its responsibility: family, become what you are” (Familiaris Consortio [FC], 17).

What are we? St. John Paul II continues, “The family, which is founded and given life by love, is a community of persons: of husband and wife, of parents and children, of relatives” (FC, 18). Most fundamentally, we are a communion of persons created in the image and likeness of the Blessed Trinity.

My family recently attended a day for families at the Saint John Paul II National Shrine. It was an entire afternoon of talks for parents, catechetical sessions for children of all ages, adoration and benediction, Mass with Cardinal Wuerl, and a dinner reception that included a beautiful harp performance and a raffle for the largest balloon lions I’d ever seen. Someone commented that the Mass had been quite lively, considering the large number of families with young children. My husband smiled and whispered to me, “Haven’t these people ever been to a Spanish Mass?”

            We had to split up and attend different events. While my husband went to the presentation for parents, I stayed with our children for the catechesis offered by the Sister Servants of the Lord. After plenty of games and fun, the sisters sat the children down for a short catechesis about the Blessed Trinity and the Holy Family. They began with a lesson about the Blessed Trinity, using the catchy tune of Frère Jacques. “God the Father, God the Father, God the Son, God the Son. God the Holy Spirit, God the Holy Spirit, Three in One!” Who is God? He is love. He loves so much that His love is shared within the three Divine Persons of the Blessed Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. His love is so immense that it pours forth and creates life. All life is a gift, and all creatures reflect the grandeur of God. Of the many noble creatures God made, He crowned man and woman with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5).

            Yet we receive more than glory and honor. “For God so loved the world that he gave us His only Son, that all who believe in him should not perish by have eternal life” (John 3:16).  That is why Christmas is so glorious—it is a celebration of the birth of the Son of God into a human family at a specific time in history. The beautiful image of the Holy Family reminds us that family life is at the heart of God’s plan to share his love with us. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph show us what Christian families are: the home of Christ, where love is made flesh and dwells among us.

            But if your family is anything like mine, we fall short of being a dwelling-place of Christ. We make plenty of mistakes every day. What makes it possible for us to get back on track? God’s mercy and grace, although it is always available, requires us to discipline our minds and hearts so that we can receive it with greater freedom. Something that has helped me in this is to examine my conscience every day. I like to follow the Examen, a prayer given to us by St. Ignatius of Loyola. It is described by Fr. Michael Gaitley as “the most effective tool for being formed into a contemplative-in-action, that is, a person who can easily find God in all things, even amid the hustle and bustle of the world” (Consoling the Heart of Jesus, 178). This prayer is a great nightly routine for individuals or married couples to practice together. It also helps prepare us to go to Confession to receive the sacramental graces of God’s mercy and healing. Fr. Gaitley uses the acronym “BAKER” to describe the elements of the Examen:

Blessings. This is the first and most important element of the Examen, because we review our day so as to praise and thank God for His many blessings. While we do not go over each blessing individually, we focus on specific moments of joy, which St. Ignatius calls “consolations.”

Ask. We ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten our minds and hearts so we can recognize our sins of the day.

Kill. We look at our sins, weaknesses, and attachments closely at this time, what St. Ignatius calls “desolations.” Fr. Gaitley describes these desolations as moments when our “hearts dropped.”  Instead of letting those desolations bring us down, we take them to Jesus in the next step.

Embrace. This is the moment when we let Jesus embrace us with his mercy and love. Fr. Gaitley recommends thinking of the image of Divine Mercy, and staying on this part of the Examen slightly longer.

Resolution. Here we use the reflections during the earlier part of our Examen to make resolutions for tomorrow.

Will I Marry Me? Part II

In our last reflection, we encountered the phenomenon of “self-marriage” that is trending in some circles today. We looked at two distinct analyses by critics of self-marriage, and noted that their emphases lacked mention of the universal desire to experience real love.  Just as it would be absurd to reduce the love of God to one Person of the Trinity (such as the Father only loving the Father), it follows that people are also making a profound mistake when they claim to marry themselves to experience real love. As Timothy George rightly observed, self-marriage is a spiritual disorder, being “twisted back into oneself.” The challenge remains: how do we “un-twist” the lie that a person can only find real love in himself or herself?

            Contrary to popular culture’s notion of love as subjective and “evolving,” for Christians, love is rooted in the abiding love God has for each of us. In the Old Testament we find the Psalmist meditating on this in terms of a loving Father with “everlasting love” toward his children (see Psalm 103). In the New Testament we see how Christ’s words and actions reveal the depth of God’s love for us, which is ultimately a self-sacrifice. God’s love is truly powerful, and can transform even the most hardened hearts. The numerous accounts of conversions based on personal experiences of God’s love attest to this.

Secondly, God created us as male and female in his image and likeness (Gen. 1:26-27), which is the basis of God’s plan for marriage. Man and woman, as St. John Paul II explains, have equal dignity, and together show the full meaning of personhood. Their unique gifts greatly enhance their marriage. We refer to this as “sexual difference and complementarity,” a concept that in my opinion, needs to be part of our new vocabulary to explain marriage as the life-long union between a man and woman. In a “self-marriage,” where bringing unique and complementary gifts is not even a possibility, it seems that a struggle with loneliness and isolation would arise.

Finally, married love is profoundly joyful. From the vivid imagery in the Song of Songs, to St. Augustine’s On the Good of Marriage, to John Paul II’s reflections in Love and Responsibility and the Theology of the Body, and more recently Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia, we find a common thread: married love, as God intended it, is meant to be a joyful gift of self between a man and a woman. This includes vulnerability and therefore, the possibility of suffering with and for each other. With God’s blessing in the sacrament of marriage, we find the full flowering of married love because God’s grace (his very life) is present and active in marriage.