Will I Marry Me? Part I

             Reading about the phenomenon of people deciding to marry themselves, it strikes me that this idea might make it into a Saturday Night Live skit. I can picture a soliloquy by a mid-thirties woman (adorned with a ring, bouquet of flowers, and, of course, a bridal gown):

            Female actress: “Do I promise to love myself until death do we part?”

            (Crickets chirping.)

            Female actress: “Um, I guess until death, since it’s only me instead of ‘we.’”

            Sadly, in the United States, marriage has been redefined into whatever two consenting people wish it to mean. Consequently, the legalization of “self”-marriage, or possibly “marriage” between more than two consenting parties, would not be surprising. At its core, marriage in secular culture seems to emphasize the choice of the individual to be in a “committed relationship,” and receive the traditional legal recognition.      

            It seems that in a twisted way, self-marriage could mimic traditional marriage: a promise to love and be faithful till death, and the possibility to procreate. A woman conceivably could “marry” herself, decide to become a mother (through adoption, or through Artificial Reproductive Techniques), and convince herself she is content.

            A question arises: does the choice to be in a “committed relationship” with oneself stem from an inflated self-love, or something else? Recently, Cosmo magazine published a piece extolling the rise of self-marriages. Julia Duin critiques this flowery portrayal of self-marriage, noting, “I think [self-marriage] is more about the revenge of single women going after the one institution that shuts them out more than a deconstruction of marriage itself. Marriage these days has been so re-defined and squeezed into structures it was never meant to occupy, that it’s no surprise that a certain class of people are choosing themselves as their sole priority and creating a ritual for it.” 

            Is this just about the revenge of single women? I disagree with Duin’s analysis that the choice to marry oneself is fueled by frustrated women whose “fairy-tail ending” never occurred. I think there is something much deeper happening when someone rejects traditional marriage. 

Timothy George, writing in First Things, believes the choice to marry oneself stems from an inflated self-love, yet it has a far more sinister root.  He writes, “Narcissism is more than modern rugged individualism gone to seed. At its heart is a spiritual disorder, what Martin Luther (borrowing a phrase from Augustine) described as incurvatus in se, ‘twisted back into one’s self.’” George notes how the breakdown of the family is partly to blame for this spiritual disorder, since people no longer have their own flesh and blood as their primary support system.

George’s analysis of a rampant spiritual disorder does not fully grasp the heart of the issue, however. I think that the desire to marry oneself stems from a desire to experience authentic love.  This desire is a good thing.  In fact, it’s been placed on our hearts by God.  

           How can we experience authentic love in a fallen world? 

           We will continue our reflection in Part II.